Friday, September 03, 2010

Dear Next Door Neighbor,

No amount of quiche you bring me after the birth of my child (despite its being delicious) excuses the fact that you frequently let your dogs out in the wee hours of the morning to bark for hours.  And hours.  And hours.

I understand that your dogs are annoying.  You probably let them out because your bedroom window isn't right next to your backyard.  You probably push them out the door to use the potty and then promptly go back to your cozy bed to snooze for a few more hours.

Well, MY bedroom window IS right next to your backyard.  And you know that annoying barking you heard inside your house, before you pushed the pups outside so you could escape it?  Well, it's not such a pleasant lullaby.  Particularly when you have just barely coaxed your infant into re-entering the realms of slumber after feeding him at 4 a.m.  Nor does it complement a splitting headache that Ibuprofen has not yet kicked.  With each yelp uttered by your stupid animals this morning, I felt every blood vessel in my head throb in response. 

I am by no means a violent person, but I threatened to kill your dogs this morning.  First under my breath, as I attempted to muffle the sound of their cries with my pillow, then more forcefully as the time they spent barking progressed.

I can promise that if you find a dead dog I had nothing to do with it.  Like I said, I am not REALLY a violent person, despite threatening otherwise. 

I cannot, however, promise to be sad for your loss.

An Annoyed, Sleep-Deprived Mama


  1. YOu make me laugh. Sorry about the dogs. Not cool. And yes, I am the cool police.

  2. Oh that seriously sucks! I'm so paranoid about my dog barking just for the reason of annoying the neighbors. We have very barky dogs on either side of us and I don't want to contribute to the noise and nothing is worse than attempting to sleep and having dogs barking like crazy outside. Maybe you can make a tape of a baby screaming and put it outside their window? mwahahaha (evil laughter)

  3. I would call the police...they can at least go to the house and tell them there dogs need to SHUT UP! seriously I am not happens around her all of the time! I get paranoid about my dog barking all of the time, so why don't others. but i would really call police! they can actually get fines for least they can here!


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