Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dear Silly Mother,

As your son's English teacher, I feel obligated to let you in on a little secret. Well, a few secrets, actually.

First of all, your son is obnoxious. On days when he chooses to skip my class, my little heart is secretly doing back flips of joy knowing that I will not have to listen to his rude comments. I will not have to hover over him, reminding him to do his work. I will not have to say things that really, only an elementary school teacher should have to say (i.e. "Stop staring at so-and-so" "Turn around, please" "No, you may not eat the glue" . . . OK, so maybe that last one was a bit of a stretch, but you get the hint . . . in all honesty, DID you let him eat glue as a child? Because that would explain a lot).

Secondly, your son is lying to you. He is failing my class because HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING!!! Not because he has turned things in and I have mysteriously "lost" his assignments. HE IS LAZY!!! Surprisingly enough, I am pretty meticulously organized. Pretty sure I'm not throwing his missing assignments into the recycling bin just for the heck of it.

Lastly, I hope you know that despite how much I really do dislike your child, it really is not affecting his grade. In fact, I have put forth a great amount of effort to make sure he has no idea of my utmost contempt for his personality. I swallow my witty and sarcastic comebacks that are on the tip of my tongue every time he opens his mouth (well, most of the time...), I say hello to him in the hall, and if he ever did an assignment, I would give him a grade he deserved.

I hope you will take this new knowledge into consideration before you email me again. Thank you so much. I wish your son the best of luck in his future loser life.

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. High School English Teacher

Monday, April 28, 2008

And That's When I Died

I LOVE going to work out. I became a really big fan of it after I took a weight-training class with my London chum, Steph, the semester after the "consumed so much British chocolate I gained 20 pounds" semester abroad. I really, really do like it. If I had my way, we would have a gym membership now (NOT with the evilness that is Gold's Gym of course). But, because we are trying to save money, we do not have a gym membership.

I am a fan of toning with weights, and using an elliptical. I am NOT a fan of running. Anywhere.

Today, after I came home from work, Chad and I went "running." HA! I about died! I am so out of shape; it is not even funny. We're going to start going a few times a week. There is this cute little park near our house, so we "jogged" there and back (with frequent "Chad, I can't . . . breathe. . . must walk . . ." moments along the way). The goal is to eventually be in good enough shape to make it to the park without passing out, so that we can then enjoy the nice jogging paths that meander amongst the tulip beds before returning home. Sounds pleasant, doesn't it? Wish me luck.

Tonight I devoured several OREOS for dessert. . .hmmmmm. . . something wrong with this picture?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Good, The Bad, and The UGLY

OK. So it's been awhile since I've posted. So, for those of you who have been dying for a taste of my rantings, here's some to tantalize your taste buds.

Gold's Gym

The Good: Hmmmmm... Right now, I can't think of ANYTHING good about Gold's Gym. They are the devil.

The Bad: Chad and I were married almost THREE years ago. THREE. He had a membership at Gold's Gym BEFORE we got married. After we got married, he went in to Gold's Gym to make sure he was squared away. He discontinued his membership, and the floozy girl at the front counter said everything was fine. Well, about a month ago, Chad got a call from a collection agency. Yes, you heard right, my husband, who has never paid a bill late in his entire life, and has perfect credit, got a call from people who are hired to harass people with no financial sense.

The Ugly: Through a whole slew of technicalities that I do not feel like explaining because I get red in the face and enraged with hatred whenever I think of them, we were forced to pay the morally corrupt company of Gold's Gym around $800. That's right. Something went wrong with Chad's automatic payment withdrawal, which the floozy at the front desk obviously didn't inform him of when he went in to the gym, probably because she couldn't read, and so Gold's Gym has been charging us late fees and INTEREST for the last TWO AND A HALF YEARS!!! I cannot even express the utmost contempt and disgust that I feel towards these people.

Ben Folds Concert

The Good: AMAZING concert! Plus, Ben just happened to sing our wedding song. So, I heard the first song that I danced to as a married woman performed live by the artist, which is pretty cool. He's also a fantastic performer. LOVED IT!

The Bad: The doors opened AN HOUR late, which meant we stood in line for an hour longer than we'd planned on. Then, we found out that the only seating was either VIP, or over 21 at the bar. Well, that wouldn't be a problem, except I didn't bring any ID and they were carding EVERYONE. So, standing for another 5 hours was not the most pleasant experience. Particularly because I was packed next to hundreds of other people, most of whom were taller than my less than 5'5" frame. My lower back has never felt so much pain.

The Ugly: The tall man with a FRO who kept teasing me, by moving just enough to the right so that I could see Ben in all his goofy-glasses glory, and then moving his big, blond head right back into my line of view. I think such hairstyles should be banned from concert settings. As should excessive PDA. Who dirty dances and makes out at a Ben Folds concert? YUCK. Didn't want to see that. Thanks.


The Good: Chadwick is GRADUATING on FRIDAY! That's right, folks, my husband is going to be DONE with school! We will no longer be starving students! Once he finds a job, he will no longer be on wife support. I can not tell you how much this thrills my little heart. His family has flown in to help us celebrate, which is also going to be a blast. PLUS, I get to take two personal days in light of the festivities.

The Bad: Our two bedroom condo is trying to accommodate eight grown-up-size people...good thing we all love each other.

The Ugly: Last Saturday, while I was deep cleaning our apartment, I decided I should probably try the shower in our second bathroom. Chad and I have never used it because, let's face it: there are only two of us. Why use a second shower that will only equal more cleaning? Anyway, when I went to test it, I discovered that the hot water WAS NOT WORKING! Obviously, we called my brilliant brother-in-law right away, because he knows how to fix just about everything. Well, after he came over and surveyed the situation, the verdict was in: we were going to have to call our psycho landlord. Yes. Our landlord is loony. We love our condo, but the man who owns it is beyond crazy.

Let me explain...When we moved in, all the appliances in the kitchen were Saran wrapped to keep them clean. Hmmmm...I've always just used cleaner to keep mine clean. He also proceeded to tell me that he had taken the liberty to put picture hangers up where he thought we would want to put pictures, and that we didn't need to put any other holes in the wall. OK. I might not be an interior decorator, but I watch enough HGTV to know that putting a picture hook a foot below the top of our very high vaulted ceiling isn't going to be the best placement for any kind of decor. I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

Anyway, since moving in, we've obviously tossed a few of his rules out the window. We haven't gone completely decorating happy because I want to respect the fact that this is his house, but some of his "picture-hanger" placement has been changed, and we've also taken the liberty to add a few more. And, the first thing that went was all the saran wrap covering the front of the microwave.

The point is, I was a bit nervous to call this crazy, because I didn't want him to come into our condo and start freaking out. He's also from China and speaks some-what broken English, which makes communication semi-difficult.

Well, he came. Twice. Banged things around. Went to Home Depot to ask questions. Came back. Banged things around more to the point that he somehow activated the hot water. Now we have a leaking shower. But at least it is working while our guests are here.

So, there you go. Just a few incidents that have been happening at chez Reese lately.

Friday, April 11, 2008

"In the Morning, I'm Makin' Waffles!"

In my first period class today about five senior boys cooked breakfast for all of us. It was awesome! Seriously.

This was the last day of school before Spring Break, so rather than diving into all new material for my students to promptly forget before returning from vacation, I scheduled a Read-a-Thon. This basically means we spend the entire class period basking in the joy that is reading. Students can read whatever they want, as long as they're reading. Magazines, comics, novels, newspapers are all fair game. Anyway, I also told them they could bring snacks, pillows, blankets, etc., because really, if you're going to curl up with a good book, you need to do it right!

Well, a couple of my students asked if they could bring a waffle iron and make waffles. I said yes, provided that they bring enough to share with the entire class, and clean up any mess they made afterwards. In all honesty, I didn't expect them to follow through. They did.

About five minutes before the bell rang, one student showed up with a waffle iron. No batter. But the iron was there. I mentioned just having a waffle iron was going to prove a bit pointless, but he assured me that the rest of the supplies were on their way.

Over the course of the next 10 minutes, more students arrived with the following: a griddle, pancake/waffle batter, butter, maple syrup, two dozen eggs, Sunny D, plates, cups, napkins, forks, and knives.

We had a full on breakfast buffet! Waffles, pancakes, scrambled eggs, and juice. I don't know how much reading actually took place, but it was truly awesome. They orchestrated it beautifully! I was so proud of them. By some miracle, no member of the administration wandered in to ask me what in the heck I was doing. The fire alarm didn't go off. I didn't get fired. It was an all around good time.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Back to Reality

Well, we are now back from our beyond fabulous trip. We had a GREAT time, and the only bad part about it was having to come back. I told Chad he was on his own, that I was going to stay in North Carolina, and that he could figure out a way to pay the rent because I was quitting my job, but I still ended up getting on the plane anyway. After dealing with a snot of a sixteen-year-old (or sassy-mouthed, cell-phone using LIAR as I will choose to more affectionately call her) today, I feel the need to bask in more positive things. That is why you are now privileged to read about our exceptionally wonderful weekend. Here are the highlights, with the first being the BEST, and the rest being in no particular order:

1. The Performance. Watching a sensational performance by an amazing singer, accompanied by a killer jazz combo band. The singer, of course, was my beautiful mother-in-law. SHE WAS AMAZING! I am so thankful that we got to watch her perform; it is something I will never forget. I have heard her sing before, but this performance really highlighted how truly talented she is (and how FUNNY, my goodness, she had us all in stitches during some parts of her performance). I just wish they'd had a dance floor, because she had me wanting to get up and dance. (Chad, on the other hand was thankful that they DIDN'T, so that I couldn't force him to dance with me.) Can I just say, after watching her sing, I realized how truly thankful I am for the mother that she chose to be? She easily could have pursued a singing career. It is obvious that she gave up a lot of opportunities so that she could be an amazing mother, which is why I have such an amazing husband. Thanks, Joy!

2. The food. OH MY HEAVENS, THE FOOD! Did I ever eat!!! I think I probably gained back every pound I've lost since the summer. There was Bojangles, Carolina style BBQ, Andy's (five words: chili cheese burger and orangeade), and a plethora of food that came from the kitchens of Joy Reese and Prissy Hill, and what is NOT to savor about that? I don't regret a single calorie.

3. The weather. Everyone kept apologizing for the weather, but to us, it felt like a tropical paradise compared to Utah. We went for a drive with the top down, sat out on the back porch in shorts, and I got to wear sandals for the first time in ages. Plus, we got to listen to the rain, and oh how I do love sitting on the back porch and soaking in that sound. We loved it.

4. Shopping. Let's just say...I came back with more pairs of shoes than I left with...enough said.

5. The people. The people you know are happy to see you, and so are the people you don't. Everyone in the South is so friendly, and I love it. It was so fun to live in North Carolina last summer and really get to know so many people from Chad's home town. It was great to see so many people that we know and love. (Even though some visits were all too brief, sorry Wendi!)

6. Family. I always LOVE having time to spend together and this was no exception. It was especially wonderful to see Tyler, since we had not seen him since he got home from his mission.

So there you go, the memories of a wonderful weekend to console me after my encounter with aforementioned, hormone-driven teenager. AND, tomorrow is the last teaching day before Spring Break! YEA!!!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Sneaky, Sneaky

I am in North Carolina right now. Oh how sneaky, sneaky we are! We came to surprise my mother-in-law. She is singing at a huge event tonight, and we get to go cheer her on. She had NO CLUE we were coming. I love surprises, so today has been awesome! Can I just say, the weather is FABULOUS! I am going to Bojangles right now, so ta-ta, I shall talk to you later!
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