Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dear Silly Mother,

As your son's English teacher, I feel obligated to let you in on a little secret. Well, a few secrets, actually.

First of all, your son is obnoxious. On days when he chooses to skip my class, my little heart is secretly doing back flips of joy knowing that I will not have to listen to his rude comments. I will not have to hover over him, reminding him to do his work. I will not have to say things that really, only an elementary school teacher should have to say (i.e. "Stop staring at so-and-so" "Turn around, please" "No, you may not eat the glue" . . . OK, so maybe that last one was a bit of a stretch, but you get the hint . . . in all honesty, DID you let him eat glue as a child? Because that would explain a lot).

Secondly, your son is lying to you. He is failing my class because HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING!!! Not because he has turned things in and I have mysteriously "lost" his assignments. HE IS LAZY!!! Surprisingly enough, I am pretty meticulously organized. Pretty sure I'm not throwing his missing assignments into the recycling bin just for the heck of it.

Lastly, I hope you know that despite how much I really do dislike your child, it really is not affecting his grade. In fact, I have put forth a great amount of effort to make sure he has no idea of my utmost contempt for his personality. I swallow my witty and sarcastic comebacks that are on the tip of my tongue every time he opens his mouth (well, most of the time...), I say hello to him in the hall, and if he ever did an assignment, I would give him a grade he deserved.

I hope you will take this new knowledge into consideration before you email me again. Thank you so much. I wish your son the best of luck in his future loser life.

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. High School English Teacher


  1. love this. So true. I can imagine the mother now

  2. Please tell me you really wrote this and sent it!!!!

    Hey it is the truth!! Too funny!! That is why I stuck to the younger grades, You could threaten to take away their recess and magically all of there work got done! it seems a lot easier! or maybe just less angry parents!

  3. You are a funny girl!!!
    "Did you let him eat glue as a child?"
    I. love. it.
    I think you should just hit SEND and let her really there are no misunderstandings and all.
    Thanks for a good laugh this morning!

  4. Yeah, I can totally relate. :D I have a million rants I could add, but I'll just say that. Yeah. And go you, don't ever let those things bother you too much, deep down I imagine the parents are secretly ashamed of their child, but that is proably just a made believe comfort thought, because you know, the parent might not be much better than the child!

  5. Our son would like us to believe all of that was true that it isn't his fault he has a bad grade, but alas we tend to side with the teacher and he tends to get restriction and has to bring home a weekly progress report... we KNOW he's lazy!
    Great letter made me smile and chuckle! I stopped by from Wendi's blog.


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