38 Weeks and Counting

Funny Pregnancy Moment of the Week:

Ring, Ring.

JC Penny Lady:  Ya?

Me:  Oh, hi.  Is this the women's department?

JC Penny Lady:  Ya.  This is the women's department.

Me:  I just had a quick question for you.  Do you carry nursing bras in your lingerie department?

Long pause.

JC Penny Lady:  You mean feeder bras?  What you use to feed 'em?

Me:  I guess (trying to restrain a giggle) . . . that's what I mean?

JC Penny Lady:  Ya.  We carry feeder bras.

Me:  OK . . . thanks.

Explosive laughter after I hang up.

At this point in my pregnancy sleep has become a near impossibility (I guess this is preparation for no sleep when our little guy gets here), the looks I get at the gym are quite hysterical, the incessant heat has brought me to my breaking point, and someone has officially asked me if I'm carrying twins.

The pillow fort arrangement becomes more cumbersome by the evening.  In addition, The Saucer now frequently decides it is time to have a kickboxing session with Mommy's uterine walls after she wakes up to pee, which means falling back asleep after a trip to the bathroom is ludicrous.  I usually go sit in the living room and read for a few hours, and then try to go back to sleep after he calms down.

I have been spending at least 30 minutes on the elliptical when I go to the gym, and I'm still doing some light weight lifting as well.  I feel like death when I get up in the morning, and it's hard to convince myself to go.  After I do, I always feel so much better though.  I don't go every day, but I try to go at least four days a week.  I am kind of dreading the whole "take it easy" for six weeks following delivery thing, because I want to kick my body back into shape, but I will get over it I suppose.  Now that I'm getting closer to my due date I'm kind of petrified that my water will break while I'm on the treadmill, but if it does I guess it will make for a great story later. 

I cannot comprehend how something can still be constituted as a "heat wave" when it has not let up for 2 months.  Once, when we were first married, Chad and I watched The Silence of the Lambs on Oxygen.  Oxygen is kind of like Lifetime--it's a network with tons of shows that empower women.  Chad calls them "anti-men" because most of the made-for-TV movies that air on these networks center around a girl being anorexic because a man called her fat, a husband beating his wife, or something like that.  Anyway, back to the time we watched The Silence of the Lambs, during the commercial breaks (whilst I tried to forget about creepy lines like, "It puts the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again), they kept advertising a show called  Snapped.  It was about women who reached their breaking point and killed their husbands.  Chad jokingly told me, "Please never watch that show!"  The heat in North Carolina this summer has made me snap.  According to one online weather report I read today, "Today should be the hottest day so far this week."  My thoughts:  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?  Can it GET any hotter than it has already been this week?   It goes on to add"and more humid than what we had on Thursday."  My thoughts:  Nice.  So I can change my underwear three times instead of my usual two because I am dripping so much sweat.   Oh, but it gets better, because "There is a Heat Advisory in effect starting at 11am this morning lasting through 8pm this evening. This advisory is for dangerous heat and the heat related illnesses that could result from prolonged exposure."  I wonder if they mean psychological illness as well as physical . . .  "Heat Index values across the region could reach 110 degrees this afternoon. Be careful and make sure you use proper precautions when it comes to protecting yourself from this excessive heat. There are signs this heat will be with us through the weekend."  Oh don't you worry, Mr. Weatherman.  You don't have to tell me twice. I took this report quite seriously and have ventured outside only once today--from my back door to the garbage bin. 

And yes, someone indeed rubbed my belly yesterday with the comment, "For so long we thought you would never look pregnant!  And now?  Are you sure you're not having TWINS?"  A word of advice:  never, ever, ever, under any circumstances mention the word twins if you are using this to comment on the size of a pregnant individual.  Even if a woman IS carrying twins, a more appropriate comment might be, "Look how amazing you look! You're so small I can't believe you're having twins!"

I can only imagine what the next 11+ days will bring . . .

Lately

We went to the mountains with Chad's family at the very end of June, driving back to K-Town on the 4th of July.  The vacation was wonderfully relaxing.  My favorite part were the days when there was absolutely nothing on the agenda.  I liked having the opportunity to laze about, particularly because that meant eating lots of delicious food that wasn't good for me.  While we were in the metropolis of West Jefferson in the North Carolina hills, we enjoyed numerous activities, such as . . .

 1.  Lots and Lots of Card Games

It is a bit of a joke how much I really cannot remember how to play games.  No matter how many times we play SCUM, I still have to have a refresher course before we play every time.  My sister, Meredith, is the Queen of games and always teaches us something new to play.  This eclectic sampling of casino cards were the remnants of one such game:  Hand and Foot.

2.  Gem Mining 

Last time we went mining, I found an emerald.  This time, I found a garnet. 

3.  Eating Excellent Mexican Food

Despite its deliciousness, I've got to say it didn't hold a candle to the Inca of my youth.  My mouth is watering right now thinking about savoring a huge platter of arroz con pollo.  Having said that, the restaurant where we did eat was probably the best Mexican food I've had since leaving good old Moses Lake.

4.  The Christmas in July Festival

I'm not exactly sure where the "Christmas" part came in, since the only really festive thing I saw was an insane 80 year old man wearing elfish attire not fit for 90+ degree weather and playing Christmas songs on an accordion.  Even so, it was fun to wander through the craft booths, sip the not-so-freshly squeezed lemonade, and partake of the small town atmosphere. 

5.  Appearing in Un-Flattering Photographs

There's nothing that can increase a girl's self esteem like looking at pictures of herself in water shoes and a swimsuit at 35+ weeks pregnant. 

When we returned from the mountains, there were more mountains waiting for us:  mountains of fresh produce from Bruce and Joy's garden. 

My father-in-law has made it pretty clear that this bounteous spread will be a one-year-wonder.  What was supposed to be a family project has really become his full time project, and for that I am very sorry.  I keep hoping, however, that he will change his mind.  He's just so darn good at it! 

And in other news, lest we forget that I am huge and pregnant, here I am, looking strikingly lovely at 37 weeks:

Dear Willis Haviland Carrier ,

Until this morning I didn't even know your name.  Last night, however, as I drove home (contemplating the fact that my house would be less than ninety degrees) I felt this need to know who it was that made the restoration of my sanity possible.  A quick Google search confirmed that you are, indeed, the father of air conditioning.

Willis, (Can I call you Willis?) I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  This morning, when I woke up and saw that the temperature we had set the thermostat at matched the temperature of the house, my heart burst with utter joy.   The fact that the blanket of humidity that had been clouding every room had also been lifted was a mere added bonus. 

No longer will I have to walk around my home spritzing myself with cold liquid.

No longer will I have to pack an overnight bag each evening, because my home is too hot to sleep in.

No longer will I have to fear the prospect of bringing my new born child home to live in an oven.

At this moment, dear Willis, Will, I feel you may be the love of my life. (OK, so not really--that last sentence is just for dramatic effect, because that role is already taken by someone utterly more wonderful, even if he didn't invent the air conditioner.) 

Thanks again, Will.  You will never know how many Southern lives you have changed for good.

Your Grateful Friend,
A woman who is almost OK with how much the heating and air system is costing, because it was clearly SOOOOOO worth it

Unless They Mean A Faint Glisten of Sweat . . .

I don't think I have the pregnancy glow.  I feel like this chica:

Chad mentioned the other day how women always tell pregnant women that, "You're absolutely glowing!"  I informed him this is probably because they remember how awful it feels and want to cheer us up. 

Honestly, I have felt great throughout pregnancy.  I have been so healthy, and I know I have nothing to complain about, but I am DONE with the huge belly.  I just feel so HUGE, and I know I'm going to get even more huge before it's all said and done.  I am DONE with the 4 shirts that actually fit me.  I miss my clothes, and every time I walk into my closet I wonder if I'll ever fit into my old friends again. 

I am also done with the heat.  As if humidity is not bad enough normally, we have had a record breaking summer heat wave.  June was miserable, which means July and August are going to be awful.  I am running a good 10-15 degrees hotter than normal, which isn't helping. 

I carry a hand fan with me everywhere for moments of desperation.

Occasionally, around the house, I carry a spray bottle full of cold water for the same purpose.

I think I've mentioned before that our air-conditioning unit has been on the fritz this summer.  Sometimes it works fine.  Then, all of a sudden, the fan will refuse to work, and no cold air will blow.  Those are moments when I panic.  Sometimes, the fan will magically kick back on.  Those are moments when I rejoice.  Other times, it doesn't.  Those are moments when I don't.  As soon as the heating and air man calls me back we will be dropping some serious dough to replace it.  This is depressing, but kind of a necessity when you live in the south.

A few times, we have slept at my in-law's house at night because it is just too hot to deal with ours.  Last night was one of those nights.  When we do sleep at home, I sleep with my head at the foot of the bed (because it is closer to the ceiling fan, lol).  I showed Lauren once how we sleep at night and it made her laugh so hard when she saw the arrangement of pillows.  I have to have two pillows for my head, an L-shaped pillow between my legs, and two pillows elevating my feet (oh, how my little footsies have started to swell).  Combine this with the fact that I sleep at the opposite end of the bed from Chad, and it is pretty comical.  It would also be pretty comical watching me squirm out of the pillow arrangement multiple times during the night for potty trips, and trying to get comfortable again so I can fall back asleep, only to wake up as soon as I've fallen asleep for another trip to the bathroom.   

I guess it's a good thing I'm starting to feel so uncomfortable.  Maybe this way I won't care how much labor hurts, I'll just want the baby OUT. 

The Saucer--A Bit Camera Shy

I am hoping that my child's stubborn gene doesn't extend beyond the womb.  In all of our ultrasounds, The Saucer has been extremely uncooperative.  Well, I guess that's not quite true.  He has been cooperative in all areas except letting us see his little face.  At our gender check ultrasound, he made it quite clear that he was a boy, so I can't call him completely uncooperative.  I guess he is just a little camera shy (and if that extends beyond the womb, I don't know what his father is going to do).  Maybe he just wants us to be very surprised when we see him for the first time.

Here are some of the pictures I've been meaning to post from our 4-D ultrasound, at 29 weeks.  I have seen photos from other people's 4-D ultrasounds and they are amazing.  Prior to ours, I had all these visions of getting to watch my future son move-- you know, wave at me, suck his thumb, somersault around, SOMETHING.  Our little boy gave us NOTHING.  He sat in the same position for nearly an hour, and swatted at us to let him sleep when our ultrasound tech tried to coax him into moving.  During our ultrasound he had both of his legs up against his head.  He was literally in a pike position (maybe we have a future Olympic diver?) kissing his little knee.  While his ability to hold a position requiring such flexibility was quite impressive (particularly for his parents, who can barely touch their toes), it made it very difficult to get clear images.  He didn't leave any space for fluid to come between his knee and his little face, and the fluid needed to be there to see the image.  As a result, most of our images are distorted, but at least you can kind of see his little face in these three:

Right after our ultrasound, he started moving all over the place.  I had my checkup right after, and the midwife's exact words were, "Wow!  He's really active today."  Hmmmm . . . funny, because when Mommy and Daddy paid to see him . . . not so much!

Today I had an ultrasound at 36 weeks.  He still didn't let the tech get a clear profile shot of his face, but at least we know for sure that he has TURNED!  He's no longer in the breech position!!! YEA!!!  He had the hiccups the other night, and they felt a lot lower than they used to, but I didn't want to get too excited.  He is head down and face down, so he's ready for action in about 4 weeks, as long as he doesn't move before then.  They seemed to think that was unlikely, since he's running out of room to flip too much at this point.  Right now he's showing at 6 pounds 11 ounces, but they say that weight estimate can be off by an entire pound.  The doctor seemed to think he will probably debut at somewhere around 8 pounds, if he continues to grow at the same rate and stays in the 64th percentile.  He has a lot of hair, just not too long yet, and he even has some fat rolls starting on his little arms.  So cute!  Mommy can't wait to meet you, little un-named Bebe!